.::.Have Faith in Music.::.

I wish I wasn’t as lonely as I feel. I’m so fucking sick of being lonely.

Someone get me the hell out of ohio.

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

.::..::..::..::.

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

1. I wish that I lived somewhere other than Columbus so I wouldn’t have to suffer through everything being about Ohio State.

   

   

2. I really wish I went to a school that I could be proud of either for its academics or athletics. Florida State is such a let down on so many occasions I’m beginning to think I chose the worst possible place for school.

   

3. I wish the whole country stayed between 65-85 degrees. That way it was never too hot or too cold. I don’t handle the extremes too well.

   

4. Sometimes I really wish I had chosen to go to school closer than 13 and 1/2 hours away. Seeing your family more than twice a year would be nice.

   

5. I wish the kids at school realized how lucky they are instead of complaining about absolutely everything.

   

6. I wish I hadn’t taken for granted having Zach in my life, even as a friend. The gap he left upon leaving my life continues to grow and I feel emptier by the day.

   

7. I wish clothes fit me right. I found the perfect dress today. I literally was in love. Too bad it came in size 1,5, and 7. I’m a size 3 and nothing ever fits me right. it’s either too small or too big.

   

8. I wish people would stop telling me how smart, or pretty, or thin I am. I’ve had more people walk out of my life than you could ever count. Obviously I am none of those things or I would be able to keep people around.

   

9. I hate that I refuse to leave bad situations. I always want to believe the best in people and regardless of how destructive the relationship is, I will never leave. It’s kind of sickening.

   

10. I wish I could tell people how much they mean to me instead of just hoping they will get the picture.

    

11. I wish I was as confident as I appear to be. The act is so draining and I end up just letting people walk all over me anyway.

    

12. I wish there was a winter warped tour or concert fest.The winters are cold and lonely and everyone could benefit from having for music fill that void.

    

13. I wish I was ready to jump back in and give someone a try, but my heart still beats for another.

    

14. I wish I hadn’t stuck around through 3 years of cheating, lying, and physical abuse.

    

15. I wish that I didn’t still feel the urge to cut when things start to get stressful. I’m afraid those tendencies will never fully go away.

    

16. I wish I had a dog at school. A little bundle of joyfulness to come home to every day would be wonderful.

    

17. I wish everyone in my life wasn’t married, engaged, or with child. I’m beginning to think I’m extremely far behind on my life.

    

18. I wish everyone didn’t have to drink just to have a good time. What ever happened to good conversation and quality time?

    

19. I wish I was so closeminded when it comes to certain things. Then again, I like what I like, maybe it’s best it stay that way.

    

20. I wish I could do anything I set my mind to, but every time I try to something is standing in my way.

    

21. Some days, actually no most days, I wish I wasn’t me.

    

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn’t understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you’re standing at a crossroad,
There’s a choice you gotta make.
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt,
I guess I’m gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I’ve loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it’s gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It’s sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I’m a lover and a fighter. I get angry easily, but I’m working on it. I party, sleep, and think wayyyy too much, but I get my shit done. I have a weakness for sweet talkers, but I’m learning and enforcing my boundaries. I don’t let many people in, but once they’re in, they’re there forever. I’m strong and independent and I’ve been shattered. But never broken.

I’m scared of growing up.

Terrified, really.

I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy can change into your best friend. How forever turns into just a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it still hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can just erase you from their lives because it is easier than working things out.

I don’t like thinking about the past. Because I start thinking “it was so simple. So easy. And you took it all for granted. And you can never get it all back.” And then all these emotions start building inside my chest, behind my eyes, clouding my thoughts. I can’t think and I can’t speak. And the only thing I know is.. I miss how it used to be. I miss who I used to be.